Too many people out there think sub and bottom equals the same thing. They aren’t the same thing. They are vastly different especially from my perspective.
I’ve been experimenting in the kink world for almost 8 hears now and in all of those years I have bottomed to many, but subbed to one person only. I no longer to sub to that person and don’t ask why, its none of your business 😛 Those subby urges that popped up today caused this post to happen…
Bottoming is temporary but subbing involves more to me. Bottoming can last for a scene but subbing is a state of mind and being. It’s deeper. It involves a relationship of types. There doesn’t have to be love but it does involve the feelings of desire to make the Dom happy. I may have those desires during a bottoming scene, but it is no longer in effect once the scene ends.
For example, I’ve had relationships and friendships with people I have bottomed to, but the relationship resumed normalcy with no expectations of anything more than what it was before the scene began.
Bottoming is the way I get my masochistic needs out with no other expectations. I can help throw scene ideas into the mix. I can tell the top what I am looking for, what I am okay with and what my limits are.
I can do the same as a sub, however I expect it not to be all about my wants and needs. I expect to have my limits pushed and to have my comfort zone shifted. I expect to be held to my assigned tasks with little leniency. I expect discipline if I have failed. Simple tasks set to me as a sub can make my day, even if my only reward is a “good girl” or something of the like. I get a deep satisfaction for making my Dom proud and truth be told, I don’t get that release from bottoming.
I need to backtrack to rules…I have a love hate relationship with rules. I want them but they cant control my life. I don’t want a 24/7 live in Dom. I don’t want someone to rule my life. I want a normal friendship/relationship with someone that happens to make my knees wobble and put me in my subby zone. I want a Dom as long as they don’t live with me 😀 I don’t like situations to be forced so I haven’t rushed my sporadic and half-assed Dom search. I want it to just sort of happen.
I do miss the text/email/chat that would pop up to discuss discipline, be assigned tasks, scenes or just a regular discussion that comes with having a dom, but I also know I don’t know many people that make me want to submit to them. It is a very special thing for me to have those urges in the first place seeing as I prefer to be a Dom/top in the first place.
So for now, I stuff those subby urges down and keep doing my thing. Though I was told by someone who has seen my sub side,”it does look sweet on ya when it does show up!” So maybe I’ll keep looking and maybe someday I’ll know the satisfaction of releasing my subby side again 🙂