Service with a smile

Once upon a time I hated service. I hated the idea of service. I had bad experiences with service. Then one day I met someone that made me love service. When I initially thought of service, I tended to think of scrubbing floors, cleaning, cooking and generally being commanded to do things that I took no joy from. I can be selfless, but if there is never any reward from being in service to someone, then I am not content. As you can guess, I am not exactly the definition of a kink/service “slave” that most people have. Most people I have come across think getting to do the task (which I define as service) is the reward but I need something more. I am not needy, but I need a “good girl” or some sort of acknowledgement that I have pleased whom ever I am completing a task for. If my only feedback is negative, meaning nothing is said if the task is done properly and instead only commented upon when something is wrong or not up to par, that doesn’t work for me. When I am rewarded, my desire to serve flourishes.

I stumbled upon something I wrote a while back and decided to share it here:“Something I realize and was able to put into words recently.
I look forward to tasks but they are difficult for me. Im not saying every task is a tough task in itself, that matters very little, what matters is that they are all difficult because I am aware of my submission. I choose to obey and that isn’t easy for me. I’m used to being my own pack leader. The alpha of myself so to speak. So I have to make a conscious effort no matter how mundane or hard the task itself is. I’m not a slave at heart, but my desire to submit to the right person(s) is definitely there. It always has been. I just needed to find the words for it…for me. I think that’s a slight hindrance at times as well as a testament to how much I want it.”

I have evolved since I wrote that. I now look forward to tasks. They aren’t difficult because I am aware of my submission, they are difficult because some are things I have done most of my life (bad habits). I no longer feel that its a conscious effort to get past the feeling of being submissive to someone. I still don’t give my submission lightly, but when it develops within myself, I don’t fight it. I embrace it.

Recently a relationship with a partner has developed into a fun and interesting kink one. He is the Headmaster/Sir/Daddy and dominant in my life. Though he is new to the kink world, it comes natural to him. A little while ago, I wrote something when he first started to give me tasks: “A simple text made me blush and smile. It seemed innocent enough but it was a big deal. It was an order.

“I’d like for you to send a ‘good night’ text as you do a ‘good morning’.”Yes, the way it was phrased seemed like there was an option to decline, but there was no answer that I wanted to give other than “yes, Sir.”

He wanted this from me and I wanted to serve him even with the simplest of things. It’s a little task in theory, but in practice it is a bigger deal. Every “good morning” and every “good night” text is a reminder of where my head and heart are…serving him happily. Serving him is where I’m safely  giving him my submission and I willingly give up my control. I am giving him every part of me one piece at a time. I am safe.”

This post is a testament to how we can evolve and learn to love things we once scoffed at. I didn’t scoff because I was better than the “service submissive,” but I scoffed because I never thought *I* could enjoy service. Service is what you make it and what is was remade for me, made me love service for the right person(s). I am grateful that my previous dom introduced me to it because it is something that is now very near and dear to my heart.