I look forward to tasks but they are difficult for me. Im not saying every task is a tough task in itself, that matters very little, what matters is that they are all difficult because I am aware of my submission. I choose to obey and that isn’t easy for me. I’m used to being my own pack leader. The alpha of myself so to speak. So I have to make a conscious effort no matter how mundane or hard the task itself is. I’m not a slave at heart, but my desire to submit to the right person(s) is definitely there. It always has been. I just needed to find the words for it…for me. I think that’s a slight hindrance at times as well as a testament to how much I want it.”
I have evolved since I wrote that. I now look forward to tasks. They aren’t difficult because I am aware of my submission, they are difficult because some are things I have done most of my life (bad habits). I no longer feel that its a conscious effort to get past the feeling of being submissive to someone. I still don’t give my submission lightly, but when it develops within myself, I don’t fight it. I embrace it.
Recently a relationship with a partner has developed into a fun and interesting kink one. He is the Headmaster/Sir/Daddy and dominant in my life. Though he is new to the kink world, it comes natural to him. A little while ago, I wrote something when he first started to give me tasks: “A simple text made me blush and smile. It seemed innocent enough but it was a big deal. It was an order.
“I’d like for you to send a ‘good night’ text as you do a ‘good morning’.”Yes, the way it was phrased seemed like there was an option to decline, but there was no answer that I wanted to give other than “yes, Sir.”
He wanted this from me and I wanted to serve him even with the simplest of things. It’s a little task in theory, but in practice it is a bigger deal. Every “good morning” and every “good night” text is a reminder of where my head and heart are…serving him happily. Serving him is where I’m safely giving him my submission and I willingly give up my control. I am giving him every part of me one piece at a time. I am safe.”